Tennessee officials have fired back a salvo at the state of Georgia, which recently passed resolutions aimed at “correcting” an 1818 survey and moving its border north to gain access to water from the Tennessee River.
Chattanooga Mayor Ron Littlefield’s response was to proclaim today, Wednesday, Feb. 27, “Give Our Georgia Friends a Drink Day” (GOGFADD?). To observe the day, Littlefield is dispatching his aide Matt Lea — in a coonskin cap, no less — to deliver a truckload of bottled water to Atlanta.
The proclamation creating GOGFADD has already itself been widely proclaimed as priceless. Judge for yourself:
“WHEREAS, it has come to pass that the heavens are shut up and a drought of Biblical proportions has been visited upon the Southern United States, and
“WHEREAS, the parched and dry conditions have weighed heavily upon the State of Georgia and sorely afflicted those who inhabit the Great City of Atlanta, and
“WHEREAS, the leaders of Georgia have assembled like the Children of Israel in the desert, grumbled among themselves and have begun to cast longing eyes toward the north, coveting their neighbor’s assets, and
“WHEREAS, the lack of water has led some misguided souls to seek more potent refreshment or for other reasons has resulted in irrational and outrageous actions seeking to move a long established and peaceful boundary, and
“WHEREAS, it is deemed better to light a candle than curse the darkness, and better to offer a cool, wet kiss of friendship rather than face a hot and angry legislator gone mad from thirst, and
“WHEREAS, it is feared that if today they come for our river, tomorrow they might come for our Jack Daniels or George Dickel,
“NOW THEREFORE, In the interest of brotherly love, peace, friendship, mutual prosperity, citywide self promotion, political grandstanding and all that
“I Ron Littlefield, Mayor of the City of Chattanooga, Tennessee,
“Do hereby Proclaim that Wednesday, February 27, 2008 shall be known as
“Give Our Georgia Friends a Drink Day.”